UNcovered

Usually when a guy falls in love, it just happens to him for no reason. He loves the girl whether she’s an angel or just a bitch, he loves the girl and would trade his like to keep hers. I fell in love with you, plain and simple. That’s why no matter what you threw at me, I kept on going, and I kept taking all this reverse emotional crap you responded with. I just brushed it off like nothing. Hoping one day you’ll think; wow, that guy was really nice to me; and just because he wanted to be nice to me because he really loves me for me. I listened to you talk about other guys, which kinda pisses me off. I listened to all your problems and try to help out. I listened to you about everything you want to say and have to say. No matter how busy I am, I take your message and respond to you whether I’m free or not. I never did say that I am better than any other guy or try to be better than them. I just try to be and you keep getting the wrong impression that I want to be better than one or another. I try to listen and you think I am using the information for my own good; like trying to get into a relationship with you. I try to give you advice but you won’t listen to anything you say. I give you my time, but you just don’t care. I’m not doing anything as much because I’m giving all my attention to you. And you don’t like it when I don’t pay attention to life, yet you don’t pay attention to how my own attention is toward you and only you. You usually text me random shit that’s so hard to reply to, and when my response is not what you want, you get mad and leave the conversation. And I’m like; why are you even mad? Which only makes you angrier; you drive me completely insane and half crazy, but I love you. I fucking hate it when you compare me to another guy, really chick WTF! Now I want to know, do you want to be a part of my life; as a friend, a girlfriend, my best friend etc. You have to give me a reason why I should keep being in this messy relationship, because obviously we have a relationship, and I just won’t be this person for you to talk to when you have something to say. When the time comes to telling anyone the truth it is always so difficult to accept the changes and ineligibility that comes along with that truth. No person wants to face the whole truth because the truth is not heartwarming, and the truth is not kind to individuals. When we want the other party to hear what we have to say, and feel what we want them to feel. Tonight when the lights shut off and the kindness flinches and dozes on infinite dreams, we try to sew the seams and cotton pop together when none decides a lyrical rhyme. When I think its time to decide to take which route I will travel on, will I know what road the lesser of the two divulges on into nothing. Valentine, dear valentine; when I wished for a simple hello you made it an exotic no, I simply wish to talk but things always lead to arguments. To become what you see, is an a test of faith I don’t have in me. But being everything you need I have in me. I wish you happy holidays hoping to uplift your spirit. I say good morning and good night to show that I care, but you say it reminds you of someone else. Why I ask myself, is it that everything I do reminds you of someone else that’s not me? Is it mad degree poetry, or an asylum de pedigree. Now if I wrote you a love note and made you sound out every word I wrote, lady would you. There are beautiful girls, all over the world, I could be chasing, but they’ve got nothing on you. They’ve got nothing on you. They are nicer, they don’t yell as much yet, because they don’t know me like you do. They haven’t gotten angry at me yet, they haven’t had me said the wrong thing as a response; but that also means that they’ve never had someone speak so honestly to them as I have to you. I wish to keep every negative word from you, but you are really pushing my limits. I always let you push my buttons, you know every switch and lever, yet you don’t care whichever way they go. I can go on playing this game, but I can’t do this without you. I am an addictive on love. I am obsessed with it, and you have become the image of my obsession. I never want to treat you like you are an object, I don’t even want to think like that because, you are the person I wish to see walk with me down the long stretch of road that is continuously paved for me. I want you to be that person that cares for me when I’m sick, to feed me when I’m unwell and to be with me when I am lonesome. You know all my habits, and annoying characteristics, you’ve held on for so long. When so many would have given up and called me crazy, you held on. For better or for worst you held on, maybe not for the reasons I give, but for your own. I don’t know if you are selfish for keeping me or just lonesome. I am tethered and wounded in this love/hate relationship with you. Do you know what it took to keep holding on as long as I have? Persecution, speculation and distrust, those were the only things I received from you. No thank you for your company, no thanks for listening, no thanks for being there for me. You pushed and shoved your way in. I tried to be a nice guy. I didn’t push back, I didn’t yell. I didn’t want to push you away because you were already so far away. So close yet so far. What a nice surprise to see you in your teal dress of greenish blue, more radiant than a rainbow with an infinite hue. I want so many things, but can only get so much. You asked me, did I ever wanted you in that kind of way. I told you no. you are more than just a feeling, more than just a desire, more than just a passion, or a romantic flame, more than just someone to talk to, more than just someone I can share things with. I freaking loved you, and still do. I keep telling you I’m in love with you and how I will always be, but each time I hear myself saying those things, it seems less convincing that the former. I don’t know how I feel about you anymore. You’ve become such an essential part of my life that practically my life has to include you. My friends and girlfriends, all wonderful people with wonderfully human flaws; but you dear, outshine them by the millennium. 2012 is suppose to be the start of a new year, it is suppose to be a time when I made and declared resolutions to myself and kept myself in check throughout the year hoping to complete those individual goals. But I bear to let myself list you as a resolution. You are you much more than just a person and nothing can ever come in between that that will change the circumstances we are in. I hop nothing will come in between us any further. We dreamt and whispered secrets around everyone. But I try not to hide anything from you; it is only natural that some information are better left unknown and some stones left unturned, but if you’re willing to ask the right questions, I am certainly more than to give you an honest answer to each and every one of them. Why do you keep me at arms length? Keep me close enough but not far enough to be gone. When you have a bad day you text me, when you want to talk to someone you text me; when life isn’t going according to plans you message me; when people annoy you, you text me; when your family makes you cry you text me, when you cry you text me, when you feel sad you think of me, when you feel happy you share that joy with me, when you have a bad dream you share it with me. When something makes you laugh, I smile a little, and when you send a message with some smiley faces, I smile more and laugh some because I know you send them with a regard and a smile. I wonder how you really think of me. I’ve told you my triumphs, and I’ve told you my disappointments. More than once I’ve shared what I dislike about many things. I bitch a lot of a lot. I wonder how anyone can put with such a pessimistic person like me. I applaud you and lavish you in laughter and smiles galore. Wish me not the same? We recently talked about something that really made things better. You asked what I would do if I saw you again. I hesitated as always. But your answer I will cherish for the rest of my days. You said if you ever saw me, you’d give me a hug. Will all do respect, just marry me already. I will be departing for the Air Force in a few months, and you’ve tried to use that against me. I would like to see you, heck I’m in love dammit. But you know what valentine. I feel so great right now. I neither care for my ex’s nor wish anything but happiness and well being to them and their new loved ones. They have not been so honest with me, and it saddens me that they needed to lie at all to keep from hurting my feelings. Take thy pity elsewhere, where death looms on the condemned. I hate it when girls act with pity toward me, I mean just be honest, I’m a smart guy and I will understand. I want to explore forests with you. I want to see you smile, and laugh without any care in the world. I want to go sailing with you. I wish to go scuba diving with you. To swim with dolphins. To swim with whales, God, why am I so in love with you? I get really frustrated talking with you. In every conversation, I just want to tell you to shut up, and stop making things so freaking difficult. Why do you make things so difficult? Always with the drama, its not healthy. I don’t have any kind of right to say anything to you, let alone lecture you on my assumptions of your character. You’ll tell me how wrong I am, and how I shouldn’t assume things about people, but what if I’m right, what if what I am saying is exactly what’s going on. I’m trying to help you but you’re not letting me help you. Here on I will tell you exactly who I am, so that from here on out you will not mistaken me for anyone nor confuse my personality and character. My Name is chong yang. I was born in a refugee camp in the mountainous terrains of northern Thailand. I am the seventh kid, and the fourth son. Personally I think words are a waste, because indeed sometimes action do speak louder than words, but what I have come to embrace is the fact that sometimes all you need to do is say something. When I don’t say anything, it’s not that I don’t have anything to say, it’s just that I don’t care. I’m thinking into the nothingness, I am just looking into the wilderness and that unknown abyss, and within my sight, the image opens up and there it is right in front of me, a crystal clear picture word millions of words. And then suddenly I saw you, I saw the picture that I was going to one day complete. One day on canvas, hanging on our walls will be a pictorial of you. Pictures are the only thing that keeps that memory alive; every time I see that image, my imagination kick starts and around it goes, it gets to work and my hands start to move on their own. Imagine my mind told me, just think about all the possibility. I should have heard the calling, but instead I bore illness and a heartbroken dream. A child with sorrow, and a broken spirit is not one that can be easily restored. Friends slowly bring the pieces back together but they can never quite hold the pieces together, just momentary. My family should have seen the signs and tried something, but instead everyone was so busy with their lives, that the four of us just soon started to separate from the family. Just us four, great times we had, and horrible memories altogether. I walked across, this empty land; I knew the pathway like the back of my hand; I felt the earth beneath my feet, I felt the solemn and it made me complete; oh simple thing, where have you gone, I’m getting older and I need something to lean on, oh simple thing, where have you gone, I’m getting tired and I need someone to lean on. Sanity had a name, and it befriended me Morality had a calling, and it beseech-ed me Abnormality had figures, and numbers deceived me Memory I forsake thee when you chose a sublime interval When you decide which number it began, symphonic externals I decided before I chose and I felt the choice before I saw It began as a dark night that turned into a bright shining dawn When the midnight after thought trailed behind foresight, I saw mnemonic Where ever you go, I pray to be with you Whenever you need someone to lay your heart in vagabonds I will be a thought The gift is a sign that spelled a forthcoming This morning as every before, I opened my eyes and took a breath and a gasp at the air as it escapes and flees. I relaxed my head back and stare blankly at the sea foam ceiling, with its twinkling stars and neon evergreen signs. My olive green walls surround me, as a forest encloses a tree, but this particular individual specimen holds in its bark more moral valued truth than the largely enclosed philosophical notebooks. I moved my fingers and I relaxed my joints when a sudden sharp pain overwhelms me at my bosom and takes me prisoner. Trapped and unmoved, thus daringly trying to draw and escape before the encampment takes to the chambers.